The Elf Blog

Why Holiday Planning Scares Us: Part 3

Today I’ll look at the final major reason that I think folks are intimidated by celebrating the holidays.

Over the last few years, the number of “lifestyle” magazines, books, and television shows has grown exponentially. There are entire channels dedicated to home improvement, cooking, and lifestyle. Craft books are a growth genre in the publishing world.

While these are excellent resources (I learn a lot from them myself), they do create unrealistic expectations.

People feel like they’ve failed because they don’t have a perfectly set table with the perfect meal in the perfect house with the perfect family. Why bother putting thought into a gift if you don’t have time to handcraft your wrapping paper and gift tags? Why bother hosting a party if you don’t have matching serving trays for the hors d’ouevres? Why bake Christmas cookies if you don’t hand paint the frosting in perfectly rendered forms?

As much as I love watching these shows, I’ll be honest: There are less real than Kim Kardashian’s wedding! These shows (and the books and magazines) have large staffs, including specialists in each area (décor, cooking, various crafts, etc.). No one person is an expert in all these areas.

They also have far larger budgets than real people are ever likely to have. Who among us can afford to purchase a dozen turkeys so that only the prettiest is photographed for the magaizine cover? (And who would tolerate that waste even if we could afford it?)

Holding ourselves to unrealistic standards is the surest recipe for disappointment and it fuels the desire to avoid holiday preparations.

So here are your marching orders: Celebrate with the people you love. Do your best with what you have (both skills and goods). Remember, the point is to enjoy spending time with people – not to get ratings or newsstand sales. In truth, the mistakes and disasters will be the stories the family recounts for generations. Just celebrate – and let the chips (or the decorations) fall where they may.

Rainy Days (Even if they aren't Mondays)

Spring and summer have their fair share of rainy days (at least in Washinbgton, DC).  So it only makes sense to plan for the inevitable.

• For rainy weekend days, it's not a bad idea to keep a list of indoor chores you can tackle.  A rainy day is a great day to clean out a drawer or cabinet or closet.
• Keep a basic stock in your craft area so that you don't have to go out in the rain to work on your latest projet.
• I always like to have a few DVDs or a good book or a few magazines handy to read away a rainy day.
• Perfect a few rainy day recipes that take a little longer to cook.
• If you general workout outside (running, etc.), make sure you have an indoor alternative.

 

Two Suprise Bonuses

Hope you all had a good holiday weekend.  Mine was very productive.  Plus, I made two wonderful discoveries that I'd like to share with you.

First, I was doing my taxes and I discovered something called the Making Work Pay credit.  His credit applies to people who worked for wages (at least $6000), who are not someone else's dependent, and whose adjusted gross income is less than $95,000. There are a few other conditions as well, but they are not -onerous.  The refundable credit is worth $400.  (All numbers given are for single filers.)  The credit starts phasing out at incomes over $75,000.  If you fit the criteria, additional money can be yours just for filling out Schedule M.  Learn more at www.irs.gov.

Second, if you are an Amazon Prime member (you pay $79 a year to get unlimited 2 day delivery of anything sold directly from Amazon), you also now have the ability to download and watch thousands of tv shows and movies at no charge.  I took a quick glance over the offerings and there weren't a lot of recent films.  The tv seems slanted toward BBC productions, but you can watch ALL of Downton Abbey in the original UK edition for free.  It's just an extra. What's not to love?

Resolute Yet Flexible

Today is the 46th day of the new year.  You may well have forgotten your new year's resolutions by now.  That's why I always suggest writing them down.

If you did write them down, go back and take a look.  What have you taken steps to achieve?  What have you missed on?  What can you start on THIS WEEK?  Which resolutions need some modification?

I keep my list of resolutions in my phone, so they are easily accessible.  I have to say that I haven't done terribly well so far this year.  However, I have discovered the need to be flexible about some resolutions.  For example, one of my resolutions was to try at least one recipe a month from one of my new cookbooks.  The focus of the cookbook and the resolution was to get me cooking more consistently, using fresh ingredients. 

Well, I haven't made anything out of the cookbook yet, but I have been cooking a large batch of a favorite meal about once a week.  I then eat the leftovers for most of the week. That acomplishes the underlying goal, so that's good enough for me!

New Year's Resolutions

You all know that I'm a big fan of new year's resolutions. I consider making resolutions to be a kind of personal strategic planning.

Here are my recommendations for making new year's resolutions:

• Start by imagining what you'd like your life to be like at this time next year (be realistic). Then think about the steps you need to take to get there.  Focus your resolutions on those things.
• Make your resolutions as specific as possible.  Instead of "I will eat better" resolve that "I will keep a bowl of fruit on my desk at work and eat at least one piece a day."  Instead of "I will exercise more" resolve to workout for 30 minutes three times a week and to use the stars on Tuesdays. 
• Write your resolutions down and refer to the list often.
• As much as possible, schedule in your calendar activities to help you keep your resolutions.  Make an appointment with a personal trainer, research and schedule a cooking class, block out a few afternoons to reorganize files or closets -- whatever it takes.

Good luck!

Some Truly Wonderful Ideas

I don't usually do this, but the ideas in this blog post are so wonderful that I just wanted to pass them on to you today.

The Spirit of Christmas

As we spend time ticking off items on the Christmas countdown, it's important to keep a sense of the spitrit of Christmas.  In all the hustle and bustle, tasks and bills, it can be hard to keep the spirit and focus on people not things, on experiences not tasks.

It's OK to take a night or two "off" to watch a Christmas movie, read a book, play a game, sit in front of a fire drinking hot cocoa or mulled wine, take a walk and look at the Christmas lights.  That's one of the reasons that I plan.  If I do a little bit at a time, it gives me the freedom to step away periodically and embrace the spirit of the season.

 

Together and Apart

The holidays are often viewed as an idealized time of familial togetherness. But often, that's not the reality.

Long times spent together can strain relationships, especially for people used to being on their own turf.  Having to accommodate others' schedules, needs, and preferences can be quite a challenge.

When planning holiday celebrations, it's important to plan not only times together such a meals, celebratory gatherings to trim a tree, to open gifts, to go caroling, etc. It's also critical to plan things that allow people some time apart.

Here are some ideas:

• Have an errand day when people can go off on their own and take care of personal and group errands.
• Allow for time and spaces where people can go off on their own or in smaller groups to read or watch a movie.
• When possible, allow for a choice of activities so groups can break off.  In some cases, it may even work to have multiple "seatings" for meals.
• Always be open to people to step away from group activities and do something on their own. We all need our own space sometimes -- even elves.

Scheduling Time For Yourself

It's rather ironic that, when time gets tight, the first things we cut are the most important. Instead of pulling back from extra committees or skipping unnecessary errands, we limit our sleep, pick up fast food instead of cooking, and skip workouts.  In short, we do everything possible to start a downward spiral of increased stress and decreased energy.

If you stopped maintaining your car and filled its gas tank with cheap adulterated gas, you wouldn't expect it to run at peak efficiency, would you? Then why would you expect your mind and body to run well when deprived of rest, energy, and proper fuel?

As you look at your calendar each week, make sure you allot sufficient time to rest.  Block out time for workouts and make that appointment as important as any other on your calendar.  Make time for cooking, even if it's only once or twice a week.  On those days, make extra so that you can use the leftovers in another dish or reheat them quickly when pressed for time. 

Be as efficient as possible in dealing with time sucks and don't be afraid to say no when you just don't have time.  The PTA will survive even if you don't help with the fall craft bazaar, but you won't survive without sleep.

Wants and Needs

Every year, before the Christmas shopping season starts in earnest (for me October 1st), I like to do a little post about wants and needs. 

We want lots of things.  Doesn't mean we need them.  Learning to sort out your needs from your wants can help you save money, time, and calories.

The best way to decide if something is a need or a want is to delay the purchase.  Put the sweater down and walk around the mall for a bit.  Don't grab dessert the first time through the cafeteria line.  Don't commit to a long series of events before you've given them a try. It's amazing how much less attractive something can become if you think about it for a few minutes.  Once the impulse cools, it's easier to say no.

Another way to judge wants and needs is to ask yourself what you'll need to give up to have it.  Are you willing to pass up buying lunch for 2 weeks to buy the shoes?  Are you ok with extra workouts in exchange for that pizza?  Will you wake up early for a few mornings to make time for a new commitment?  The more you are willing to commit to a sacrifice for something, the more likely it is a need, not a want.

One last piece of advice:  stop buying yourself wants for a little while.  People need something to give you for Christmas!

15 minute check in: Tonight, I plan to start a larger project:  sorting and inventorying clothes I plan to donate.  This may take a few days.